Divorces cases in Zambia have skyrocketed, something which is every worrying. Almost every day when I read news from the courts I can’t miss reading about a married ending. Sometimes it feels as if people marry to divorce.
In almost all the cases the reasons they cited seem to be the same. Some of the common reasons cited as to why couple’s divorce they include lack of intimacy, abuse, extra material affairs the most recent one unequal sexual appetite. But among these, unhappy marriage stands out as a common cause for divorce.
Couples experiencing the challenges listed above resolve to divorce. They hope thing will be so much better if they get divorced. While temporary happiness may be found for the spouse in a bad marriage, divorce is harmful to children. Children are the biggest losers in divorce. Divorce is the most difficult phase of a family. Adults, they might eventually get over it, but children become a collateral casualty. Their minds are tender and can slip into a state of shock on seeing parents split forever.
There are many things that children lose as a result of divorce but often children suffer a dramatic decline in financial support and the standard of living in the custodial household. A good example is a story in the sun newspaper dated 26 January 2019, of three small boys abandoned and left to fend for themselves by their divorced parents in Siavonga. The boys only survive by the help from neighbours and other well-wishers as if they do not have parents. This is one of the many cases of children suffering as the result of the divorce of their parents.
Most of the divorce cases do not end well. There is mostly hostility between the couple this hostility makes the children to miss love of another parent. This makes children to have intense sadness. Acute sadness rushes through the heart and minds of the child. Nothing feels good in life, and the child may eventually plunge into depression, which is a manifestation of this sadness. Children may feel hopeless and disillusioned because they do not have the comprehensive emotional support from their parents. Depression is a mental health problem, and children who witness divorce have a higher incidence of depression and social withdrawal. If adults can be depressed as a result of divorce what about children? It is worse for them. Research shows that divorce can be a contributing factor in cases of depression observed in children.
As the result of the hostility between the parents children may never have an opportunity to experience the love and care of both parents. A friend of mine told me a story of how his parents divorced when he was just young. He together with his young brother was taken custody by his father. The father on several occasions when they asked to visit their mother didn’t allow them. They had to see their mother without the knowledge of their father.
Divorce should only be considered after all other avenues of repair for marriage have been explored. Children thrive best when they are brought up in a stable family in which two parent are able to give them a great deal of care and attention, encouraging them, on one hand, to develop their own life an interest and providing them on the other with secure base to with they can return and in which they can always find comfort and support. Children from broken families receive less parental encouragement and attention than children who live with both biological parents.
This can also affect a child in the education. Research has shown that children from broken families often have lower educational expectations, less monitoring of school work and less supervision than children from intact families as a result they perform poorly at school.
Parents don’t let other things get in your marriage and do give up too easily for the sake of your children. Work through whatever issues and problems causing your feelings of unhappiness in your marriage. Divorce should only be considered as an option when all other alternatives have reasonably been examined and put into action, but failed.