Matters of the heart

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AUNT PAULINE answers all questions to do with marriage, culture and life. Drop your questions online thezambiasun.com or whatsapp 0963867719 or email editor@thezambiansun.com

Dear Aunt,

I only live with my husband in the house but money goes missing from my handbag almost every day. I pay rent and buy groceries while his money is his alone. I can’t hide money anywhere in the house anymore. Should I confront him?

ANSWER: Why do you hide the money in the first place.  You are both adults and can plan what is needed for the home without all this drama of money missing. If you both work, which I presume you do, then you just need to budget as a couple. Rather than accuse her, I suggest you ask if you could budget together. Let  him retain some of his self respect. Confronting him direct may make him feel unmanned. Some men are like that.

I am a lady with a decent job but I can’t attract a decent man with a decent job. Should I honestly get married to a low class?

ANSWER: Please slow down. Who is low class in your opinion? You are already creating a barrier and problem by classifying people and yourself above everyone else. My dear, when you fall in love, it wont matter whether the man is a grave digger or shop assistant. You will be all over him because it is true love. However, if you are looking for money before love, there are plenty guys (ba guy) out there.

My husband refuses to pray before making love. Is it normal for him to behave in such a manner?

ANSWER: Why do you want to pray before making love. Do not set conditions on such an issue. 

My boyfriend asked me to always notify him before going to his flat and if I go there without telling him, he gets angry to the point of wanting to beat me up. Could he be hiding something from me?

ANSWER: Are you sure he is your boyfriend? Sometimes, women want to give themselves roles and titles that their male friends are not even aware of. If he was your man, you would not need to go through such. Ask him straight why he wants you to call before you visit. I doubt there is justification. But ask all the same.

My husband and I stay in different towns and last weekend when I went to visit him, I found female clothes hidden in the wardrobe. I have not asked him anything up to now because am still upset with him. How should I approach him?

ANSWER: Take the clothes and put them in the living. Let him find them and explain to whom they belong. He just has to explain. This is one time, I would say insist on an answer.  That is your matrimonial home and the only female clothes which should be there are yours. Those hidden clothes belong to someone that your husband has given full access to your bedroom. Other people would even say that is evidence.

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