AUNT PAULINE answers all questions to do with marriage, culture and life. Drop your questions online thezambiasun.com or WhatsApp 0963867719 or email editor@thezambiansun.com

Dear Aunt,

Am a married lady aged 25 with three kids but the problem is that my husband tells me that am of no use to him. What should I do?  I love him.

ANSWER: Why is he  keeping you if you are of no use to him? The fact that you are still together means that you are relevant in his life. In any case, I believe marriage is a partnership so you should be of use to each other. Whether you are in formal employment or not, you are a valuable member of the family and contribute by looking after the children and the home. It is unfortunate that some men feel big by belittling their partners. This is a reflection of how shallow the man is.  A man should be proud of his partner and more so, the woman he calls his wife.

How can one tell that a man is serious in a new a relationship?

ANSWER: Human beings are sometimes difficult to read but most often women want to ignore the warning signs. You will know that a man is serious by the way he treats you and responds to you. In this era of WhatsApp and text message, it is even easier. If the man is online but not talking or responding to your message, then you know he is not into you dear. He has something or someone keeping him busy.  Most likely someone. You can tell yourself lies to comfort yourself but truth is that he is not interested. If you cut the communication channel, the relationship dies.

Is it okay to get married to a widower who has got children older than you?

ANSWER: Marriage is a commitment between two people. You are marrying the man you love and who presumably also loves you. It is important that before you tie the knot, you get to know the older children and gauge how they react to you. If you are able to accept their presence in the father‘s life, then by all means go ahead.

Is it okay to perform marital duties for a person that has not yet married you? And how do you say no without offending him if he asks you to help? Please help me.

ANSWER: Nothing wrong dear. In our culture, women would go and clean the intended’s house and draw water for his house. It is not a forcing matter, so if one is comfortable, then by all means do so.  If you do not want to clean, don’t. But remember that may so be a mark against you.  You may be perceived as lazy. 

My boyfriend never responds to the messages I send him no matter how romantic they are.  Is it normal? My friends are telling me to leave him, please help me.

ANSWER: What is your intuition telling you? Always listen to your inner voice. Your future is with someone else. Move on. No one is too busy for their loved ones.

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